


Uncomfortable Situations

by CloakedSparrow



Series: Collected Bat-Family Stories [47]
Category: Batman (Comics), Batman: Damned (Comics), Detective Comics (Comics), Nightwing (Comics), Red Hood and the Outlaws (Comics), Red Robin (Comics)
Genre: Adopted Children, Bat Family, BatKids walking in on Bruce naked in the cave, Can you really blame him in this instance?, Dysfunctional Family, Family Drama, Gen, Jason has a potty mouth, No Romance, No Sex, No Smut, Nudity, One Shot Collection
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-09-23
Updated: 2018-09-23
Packaged: 2019-07-15 19:35:59
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 6,379
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16069868
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/CloakedSparrow/pseuds/CloakedSparrow
Summary: Based on a comment a friend of mine made on the nude scene in Batman: Damned. "I don't care that they showed Batman's genitals, I care thatheshowed his genitals in the cave, right where any of his kids could have walked in and seen him."So here are five one-shots depicting what might have happened if any one of Bruce's children came into the cave on that morning and found their father just hanging out there naked.Concern, discomfort, confusion, shame, and questions about masturbation ensue.





	Uncomfortable Situations

Dick’s first response was concern. He knew it wasn’t normal for his father to hang around the Batcave naked. Actually, he was pretty sure his dad hadn’t been naked in his own home for more than sixty seconds outside of the shower ever since the first time he entered his bedroom and began to undress only to find a then-eight-year-old Dick curled up on his bed asleep. For his father to just strip and not bother putting anything else on suggested he was tired and wary. Too much to even bother getting dressed. 

“Are you okay?” Dick ignored the way his father actually jumped when he started speaking and then immediately tried to cover himself. “You know, you can always call me if you need a hand. I’ve got the girls to cover Blüdhaven now-”

Bruce was clearly torn between wanting to grab something to put on and not wanting to move his hands from blocking his privates. “Dick, I appreciate that, but will you _turn around_ for ten seconds so I can get something on? I’m naked here...”

Dick rolled his eyes. “Yeah, I noticed. That’s not like you.” He grabbed the pants his father had discarded on the floor (also unlike him) earlier and tossed them to him. “And I’m a grown man now, Dad. You can call on me when you need help.”

Bruce sighed, able to address his son’s concerns and offer for help now that he wasn’t worried about the fact that he could be scaring his child with his penis. “I know that, Dick. I do. And I do appreciate it, its just…difficult to call you in. For many reasons.”

Dick had moved closer once Bruce had pants on, so he reached out and put a hand on his son’s shoulder. “I do see what a strong and capable man you’ve become. But when I look at you, I also see my child. A child I’ve called into danger too many times already. I don’t want to do that any more than I have to.”

“Its my choice to do this.” Dick put a hand on his father’s shoulder as well and offered him a kind smile. “Its always been my choice. You didn’t drag me into this, Dad. You allowed me to join you and I’ve loved it from day one.”

He nodded toward him and gave his shoulder a light squeeze. “So what are the other reasons?”

Bruce couldn’t help but return the small smile. “Well you do have your own city to defend these days.”

“And as I said a minute ago, I have partners who can take care of it for a few days while I help you. Gotham is still my home too. I care about it...and you.” He looked up to meet his father’s eyes solemnly. “If I can help, I will.”

“I know that.” Bruce’s smile turned a little nostalgic, a little bittersweet. “There’s something else, Dick. Its sometimes difficult for me to work with you…because, to be honest, I miss you. I’m glad you’ve become your own man. I’m incredibly proud of you for it. 

“But sometimes, its hard not to look back at the past. Raising you, teaching you, fighting beside you...those were the best days of my life. Its hard not to want that again. And even if it isn’t quite the same, when I do have you home for awhile, its hard to let you go afterwards.” He gripped both of his son’s shoulders and looked at him pointedly. 

“And I never want to hold you back just because I don’t want to share my son with the world.”

Dick’s smile had grown as he listened. His eyes were a little misty. “Wow. I knew I’d caught you in the nude…I didn’t realize I’d caught you naked.” He moved forward and hugged his father. “Love you too, Dad.”

It was buried in his father’s shoulder, but Dick’s smile grew to beaming when his father returned the embrace. “And I miss you too. Why do you think I show up here all the time? It isn’t _just_ for Damian or Alfred’s baking.”

When they parted, but his father kept a hand on his shoulder, Dick directed his smile at his father once again. “You’ve never held me back unless I needed it. You never will, so don’t worry about that. Let me help.”

Bruce took a deep breath and then nodded. “Come on, then. Lets get to work.”

With Dick’s help, Bruce sorted through the crimes he’d missed while out on patrol. He made sure there wasn’t anything that pointed to anything more going on in Gotham than the usual crimes or something big coming their way. Once he was sure they were okay for another day, he went to bed. Dick stayed at the Manor, in his old room, right next to Bruce’s own bedroom. 

Bruce couldn’t help but smile when he woke up later that morning, after sleeping better than he had for a while, only to hear the sounds of Dick starting his day in the next room. It wasn’t like it used to be, but it didn’t have to. He was still happy to have his son home. 

~~~

“ _What the hell?!_ ” 

Bruce spun around -hands flying to cover his private parts- at the sound of Jason’s voice. “Jason, what are you doing here? Its four in the morning!”

Jason was holding a hand up to further block any possibility of seeing his father’s genitals again. “Yeah, and you basically turned all of us nocturnal, so of course this is when I’d stop by. Why the fuck are you naked in the Cave? You’re the one who always stressed how we had to stay focused and respectful whenever we were working in here… Wait, are you _hurt_? Should I get Alfie?”

“No!” Bruce took a breath. The situation was uncomfortable; it was going to make Jason extra ornery. That meant it was all the more important for him to remain calm. He didn’t want any escalation and he was the parent here. He needed to reassure his son. 

“No, I’m fine. I was just...tired and I wanted to check up on something.” He might have been a little paranoid about double checking any crimes with the potential for escalation, after the past year had thrown several close calls at his family. He might have been stretching himself a little too thin. “So once I got out of the suit I just…got to it.”

“You just ‘got to it’?” Jason briefly glanced at his father as if he were nuts but then quickly looked away from the naked man. “You have kids that are still _minors_ for fucks sake! What if it’d been Timmy who came here instead of me? You want him to stay a virgin until he’s thirty? And do you know where Damian is right now?”

“He’s asleep upstairs.” Bruce had made him return at a more respectable time in order for him to get a healthy amount of sleep. Between that and the hour, he’d assumed he wouldn’t have to worry about anyone dropping by. Well, for as little amount of thought as he’d put into it. “Tim doesn’t usually just show up anymore. So I suppose I didn’t think about that.”

“Well, he found some information for you. Lucky me, I said I’d drop it off.” Jason tossed an SD card onto the nearest workbench. “Fuck. I need a drink. And maybe a therapist…”

Bruce ignored his son’s muttering and started to move to retrieve the card, distracted by the thought that Tim found something he apparently thought his father needed to know at four in the morning. And that Jason had agreed with that enough to volunteer to bring it to him. Either it was critical or it was moderately important but so was something _else_ Tim had going on. He wasn’t always on top of what Tim and Jason were up to lately. “Do you know what its in regar-”

He’d only taken a step toward and began to reach for it before his son stopped him. 

Jason’s hand was still raised to block his view, despite one of Bruce’s own hands still blocking his genitals. “Dammit, Dad, you don’t have a one-hand cock. _Put some clothes on_! And then put some _more_ clothes on. I’m going to go find a bar and drink until I don’t have the image of your half-mast cock and pale white ass seared into my brain. When I wake up in some stranger’s bed, you’re paying for the blood tests and any antibiotics I end up needing.”

Three things caught Bruce’s attention on that. Well, four, but he was already aware that Jason was very displeased about finding his father naked and there really wasn’t anything he could do about what his son had already seen. “Your insurance at Wayne Enterprises covers all that, Jason, but you still need to use protection. And you shouldn’t be drinking anyway. I don’t care what your birth certificate says, your body is still that of a nineteen-year-old. Your brain is still developing and y-”

Jason interrupted him again, looking more irritated than uncomfortable now, although that discomfort was still present. “I will promise not to get drunk tonight if you fucking get dressed right now! Shit, I’ll promise not to drink at all for the next month if you’ll promise not to go free-balling it in the Cave again where _my little brothers might be scarred for life_.”

“Okay, just hold on… Here-” Bruce moved to the Bat-lockers and retrieved a pair of sweatpants. He quickly put them on. “Alright, I’m not naked anymore. You can lower your hand now.”

Jason peeked over his way before lowering his hand. He made a rolling gesture with the hand as he looked away once again. “More clothes, please. I don’t even want to see your nipples right now. I’m still seeing your cock every time I blink.” 

Bruce grabbed some more clothes from the locker -enough to be fully, if casually, dressed- and started putting them on. He really did feel bad that he’d made Jason uncomfortable. And he realized his son had a very valid point on his minor children likely responding with equal discomfort. “I’m _sorry_ , son. I was tired… Clearly, I didn’t think that through.”

He moved closer to his son, intending to try to offer some comfort. However, Jason made a sound and a gesture that told him any physical contact would not be helpful at the moment, so he refrained from actually touching him. “I didn’t mean for you to see that. You are absolutely right. I’m sorry I made you uncomfortable. I promise I won’t do it again.”

Jason nodded. He was still avoiding looking directly at his father. He rubbed the back of his neck. “Yeah, alright. Its fine. Just don’t do it again.” 

He glanced at his father before looking away again. “And if you’re that tired, maybe you should just call it a night. Aren’t you the one who told me how important it was to know my own limitations? How trying to push myself past them would only endanger me and anyone I was trying to help? ‘Cause I don’t think ‘do as I say, not as I do’ applies here.”

Bruce smiled gently at his son. “You’re right again. Thank you, Jason.” He gestured toward the SD card his son had brought. “But I probably should take a look at whatever you boys thought was important enough to bring to me at four in the morning.”

Jason shook his head. “Its not anything time sensitive. Tim found something on an old unsolved case he said had been bothering you for a long time. It can wait until tomorrow. We were up and we figured you be up -though not quite _that_ up- otherwise you’d find it in here tomorrow. So I said I’d drop it off while he wraps up something else he’s been working on.”

Jason raised one hand to pinch the bridge of his nose. “And I don’t like discussing this sort of thing with you, so no follow up questions, alright? But just so you know, I always use protection. And after I got sane again…I took a leaf from your book and got snipped. You don’t have to worry about any AIDS scares or surprise grand-babies from me. Dick’s really the one I’d watch out for on that second front, if I were you, but whatever…”

His son cleared his throat. “I’m gonna go. Don’t worry, I’m going home. Timmy will worry if I just disappear. I’ll uh, I’ll see you…later. Get some sleep.”

“You too.” Bruce was a little concerned about his son riding his bike home after being awake so long and while he would possibly be distracted. “Do you want me to give you a ride? Or you’re welcome to spend the night? You can call Tim to let him know not to expect you home tonight.”

“No, I’m good.” Jason picked up his helmet. “I’ve ridden after a busy day and with an injured Tim on my bike. Don’t worry, I’m not going to crash because of your junk.” He waved back as he approached his bike. “I’ll send you a text when I get to the Bunker.”

Bruce appreciated that. “Thank you. Good night.”

“Yeah. ‘Night.” Jason started up his bike and left. He appeared to be as in control of it as ever. 

Bruce stayed up until he received a brief text from Jason letting him know he’d made it to the Bunker and was heading home after he changed. Later, he received another text from his son. Of an emoji house. He went to sleep after that. 

~~~

Cassandra wasn’t sure what to make of the fact that her father was sitting at the Bat-Computer in the nude. She’d been raised to see bodies as both weapons and weaknesses, not as anything shameful or beautiful, so she wasn’t terribly bothered by the fact. It wasn’t as if her father was doing anything lewd or obscene. He was just sitting as he usually did while he went through the police reports on murders or violent crimes for the night, sans clothing. She didn’t find his nudity disturbing or discomfiting. 

She just found it odd. 

And especially out of character. Despite all the years of fighting, rushing to get ready, working to exhaustion, and treating injuries, she’d never seen her father naked before. She realized that was normal, and that his nudity now was not. It made him look different. It made him look vulnerable. 

She didn’t like that. 

She had come up beside him silently out of habit more than intent. He practically jumped out of his skin when she placed a hand on his shoulder. Her brothers had told her on more than one occasion that none of them could startle their father the way she could. She felt a little bad about doing so, but she was more worried about what had brought her father to such a state. “Sorry. Are you well?”

Immediately following the start, her father had grabbed the nearest object -a book on ancient rites and rituals- and pulled it over his lap. “Cassandra, what are you doing here?” His shock and embarrassment were quickly pushed aside by concern. “Is everything alright in Blüdhaven? Is Dick-”

“He’s alright. Everything is…as much as it ever is.” She quickly assured her father and then explained why she had come to Gotham. “Stephanie requires _a lot_ of training and I came to see if I could borrow some training gear. I didn’t mean to startle you. I’m sorry.”

“No, that’s okay. I was just-” Suddenly he seemed to recall the fact that he was nude save for a book open in his lap. His discomfort was palpable. “Uh, Cass, could you step away and look elsewhere while I get dressed? This really isn’t appropriate.”

She calmly stepped away, and began looking over some of the training weapons they had. Her friend could definitely use some training in how to block or disarm most of them. She could hear her father getting dressed behind his armoire. “Is it alright if I borrow some of these? Tim taught her the basics, but she isn’t accustomed to a lot of different weapons. She’s either going to get herself hurt or Harper is going to knock her out if she fumbles a disarming again.”

“Of course. Take whatever you need.” Her father was clearly pulling a shirt over his head. “I could always stop by some time to assist in her training, if you’d like.”

“Thanks, but we have it. I think Stephanie does better with us than she would with you.” Cassandra had long learned to be honest and direct when speaking to her father. It avoided all of the drama she saw her brothers have to deal with in regards to communicating with him. “She becomes distracted with trying to impress you and she doesn’t like you very much, so she gets frustrated more easily. With us, we only have to worry about her being distracted by the fit of Dick’s yoga pants from time to time.”

Her father accepted the bit of levity, and understood that it was still true. Cassandra was glad he wasn’t too distracted or embarrassed. “That doesn’t surprise me. I’ve had to stop members of the Justice League from being distracted by the fit of Dick’s suits and they weren’t dealing with puberty. Not any of my friends, of course. Its hard to get along with someone after you’ve caught them checking out your kid…especially when they’re your own age.”

Cassandra understood what her father meant. She, like her other siblings, had long since noticed the way others noticed their eldest brother. She respected it when they were drawn to his personality and general _goodness_. When they were simply checking out his physique (most commonly, his rear end), then she found it distasteful. Her brother was a lot more than a bright smile, pretty face, and sexy body. She wished others would see that first and foremost. 

Stephanie might ogle him occasionally or call him ‘Sexy Batman’ when he couldn’t hear, but she also saw Dick for who he was and that was why she could work with him and learn from him. Most importantly, she respected him. That respect and honest admiration allowed Cassandra to be her friend. If it wasn’t there, she didn’t think she could respect the other young woman in turn enough to befriend her. 

Her father -now dressed- came around to help her gather some of the training tools she was borrowing. He asked about any regime she or Dick might have come up with and made suggestions on which items to start with. He never told Cassandra what to do outright; he just talked to her, asking her questions and offering his opinion where it would be valuable. Cassandra liked that they could talk like that. She wished she could figure out why most of her brothers weren’t able to talk to their father the same way. She couldn’t, so they’d all just have to get there on their own.

But since she _could_ have a simple conversation with her father that didn’t lead to stony silences, hurt feeling, raised tempers, or misunderstandings, she decided to see if her father needed any help. 

“You looked worn earlier.” She grinned. “Too worn to get dressed, it seems.” Her expression turned honest, open. “Anything I can help with?”

Her father released a quiet, embarrassed laugh. “Sorry about that. I was worn out. Not by anything specific. With everything that’s happened lately… I’ve just been a little hyper vigilant.”

She smirked. “How unlike you.” She understood though. 

He was keeping a closer eye on any crimes that might seem common or unremarkable at first glance, but could lead to something more. On the embezzled funds that might to lead to something dark and traumatic. On the threats that sound like venting but are slowly, almost imperceptibly, growing into something violent or pernicious. On the Peeping Tom who’s growing more bold, starting to feel entitled to the object of his interest. On the missing children that might be the sign of a rising number of divorces gone bad or might be the first sign of a predator in their midst. On the person who reads as a victim at first glance, but is really an accomplice or a predator themselves.

On the type of crimes he had missed before, that had nearly cost him dearly.

He released a small laugh that was more of a huff through his nose. Clearly he caught that she understood and that she wasn’t making him explain. He was just as clearly pleased by it. “I know I need to scale it back a little. I’m working on it. It’ll just take some time.”

Cassandra didn’t doubt that. She knew he would be okay. She also thought he could use a night where he didn’t have to think about all of that. “Its late. I think I’ll stay here tonight and go home tomorrow. I’m sure Damian will like an extra sword lesson anyway.”

Bruce smiled. “You know we’d all love having you here for a day.”

“Thank you.” She nodded. Then smiled. “First, I’m going to get something to eat. Want to join me?”

Her father returned the smile. “That sounds good. Just let me shut down the Bat-Computer.”

He did. They didn’t speak of crimes or fears as they snacked. They spoke of her dancing and of her friends in Blüdhaven. They spoke of Damian’s sword lessons and his many pets. They spoke of her brothers and of Alfred. By the time they went to bed, there was no more weariness, worry, or embarrassment. 

When he came down into the Cave the next day to watch her teach Damian how to use his sakabatō better, her father no longer looked worn or vulnerable. He looked rested, ready, and relaxed. He even stifled a laugh when she dropped her little brother on his bottom during the lesson. Cassandra was happy. 

~~~

“ _Oh_. Shit. Sorry.” Tim spoke very quickly and he spun around even faster. 

He heard his father’s breath catch, almost imperceptibly. He knew he’d surprised him. Once, he might have been pleased that he could do that, but not now. His brain was going in multiple directions at once. He was too busy trying to pull his thoughts together and make sense of what he’d just walked in on.

His observational skills meant that he could only glance at a scene and then see it perfectly in his mind afterwards. He could hone in on tiny details he’d caught subconsciously the first time. Dick had worked with him before he first became Robin, to help him hone that skill. He kind of hated it at the moment because it meant that even having closed his eyes and turned around, he was still seeing his father naked. 

His father had turned around upon first hearing his reaction. He could see the threat on his expression turn to surprise as he recognized Tim. He could see every scar that ran over his back, his arms, his legs, and his chest. He could see the tension in his muscles, first poised for attack but then tightening further as he didn’t know what to do. He could see the strength and focus in the set of his shoulders turn to irritated tension. He could see his circumcised, half-erect penis bouncing off his thigh as he came to a standstill. 

His father was tired, but focused, both physically and mentally. He had recently returned to the Cave after his patrol and had striped as he moved through it. He was distracted in mind but present in body enough to react to a potential threat. He was partially aroused in body but not in mind, considering his distant expression, so the arousal was likely the result of an adrenaline burst or friction during a fight. 

Tim never had that issue when in his own suit, but he knew how biology normally worked and his big brothers had both mentioned it happening to them before. At least, he preferred that explanation for any other reason his father might be returning from patrol at half-mast. Not that he was going to think any less of Bruce for any possible kinks he might have, but he really didn’t need to know anything about that aspect of his father’s personality. 

Tim took a second to attempt to clear his mind. It didn’t work very well but he did slow his thoughts (and his breathing) a little. His past encounters with nudity that involved other people were all decidedly unpleasant, if not downright frightening, but he reminded himself that he was fine at present. He wasn’t in any trouble. He’d just caught this father at an awkward moment. There wasn’t any rule about knocking or calling before entering the Batcave, so it wasn’t like he was even in the wrong in the present predicament. 

Not that the knowledge was doing anything to erase the disturbing image of his father’s nude body that his brain had decided to pick apart for whatever reason. He did _not_ need to know anything about the scar than ran over his father’s left buttock or the strange, sporadic placement of body hair he possessed. He did _not_ need to realize that his father possessed a larger than average sized penis. He did _not_ need to ponder the lack of tan lines on his father’s body. He did _not_ need to consider that he would never grow to be as impressive a figure as his father. 

Forcing his mind to observe what was happening at present rather than a moment ago, Tim realized the Cave had gone entirely silent, save for the low hum of the equipment that was running. His father wasn’t moving. He wasn’t speaking. Of course, Tim wasn’t either. He supposed the moment was as jarring for Bruce as it was for him. He realized the best thing to do would be to leave. 

“Uh, sorry, for interrupting...whatever you were doing.” _Aaannd_ that wasn’t helpful. At all. He basically just implied that his father might be doing something unscrupulous in the Batcave. 

He really needed to leave. “I’ll just...go. I’ll talk to you later. Sorry.”

He only made it a few steps before he heard his father step toward him and then immediately stop as he realized chasing after a sixteen-year-old while completely nude was not a good idea. Instead, he called after him, only allowing Tim to make it halfway to his bike. “Tim, wait.”

Tim stopped at the firm tone of his father’s voice. At _Batman’s_ voice. But he didn’t turn around.

He heard his father release a hard breath. Then he released a soft groan that usually accompanied him running his hand over his face when he was at a loss and frustrated by it. “You don’t have to go, and you don’t have anything to apologize for. You just caught me at a bad time. Wait here a moment so I can get dressed.”

The part of Tim’s mind that was a detective wanted to figure out what was going on. The part of his mind that was still very much Batman’s former protégées wanted to help his former mentor with whatever he needed. The part of his mind that always wanted to help people naturally wanted to find out what was behind the ‘bad time’ and how he could help make it better. The part of his mind that was Bruce Wayne’s son wanted to take care of his father when he was clearly worn and stressed. The part of his mind that was just a sixteen-year-old wanted to run away from the incredibly awkward encounter. 

Tim stayed. He waited as he heard his father turn around and walk away. He remained still and quiet as he heard Bruce getting dressed. He still didn’t move as he heard him return. 

“You can turn around.” Bruce sounded slightly amused. However, he didn’t look it when Tim did turn around. He looked tired. He looked like he wanted whatever was about to happen done with. He looked distracted. 

“Are you...” Tim gestured over his father, hoping the man was aware of how he appeared at the moment. “Do you want to talk about anything? Or, is there something I can help you with?”

His father’s expression changed instantly. First, he looked surprised, then touched, then remorseful. Apparently, that hadn’t been the response he’d been expecting. “I was going to ask if there was something _you_ needed help with. You came _here_ , after all.”

Tim wasn’t sure if that was meant to sound lighter than it did or if that meant he truly had interrupted something. Ever since his last run-in with the Joker, he couldn’t help but think that maybe the Rogue had a point. That maybe he wasn’t wanted here. He tried not to think that way, but at times like the present, he couldn't help it. He decided to just do what he came there to do and then go. 

He wasn’t going to do his father any good while he was feeling so off balance. 

He didn’t let any of that show in his voice. “I was just dropping off some information for you. Its from an older case I knew you were still stuck on. Sorry to come by so late. I was busy and figured you’d either be up working too or I could leave it in the Cave without bothering anyone. Here.” 

Tim swiftly but steadily approached his father and held out the SD card he’d copied the information onto. “I hope it helps.” He turned to leave as he continued. “Let me know if there’s anything else I can do for you. It looks like you’re stretched a little thin. Good night, Bruce.”

Again, he was halfway to his bike before his father stopped him. 

“Tim, wait a minute.” His father held up the card when he turned to look at him again. “Thanks for this. I appreciate it. I’m sorry…about earlier. If it made you uncomfortable.”

“Don’t worry about it.” Tim didn’t want his father to feel guilty. His issues went well beyond the image of Bruce naked that was now in his head. “Just remember you can call on me, if you need anything.”

“You know you can do the same.” It was a statement, but it sounded an awful lot like a question. Like Bruce wasn’t entirely sure that Tim knew that. 

The truth was, a lot of the time, he didn’t. Clearly, it wasn’t the time to get into any of that. It was late. He was confused. His father was getting worn out. It could wait. 

Tim lied to his father often enough, but he wasn’t quite up to it at the moment. So he just gave a small smile. “My partner’s more on top of his game than yours is.”

He father gave a small smile as well, and offered a short nod, accepting the non-answer. “Get some sleep, Tim.”

“You too, Bruce.” 

His father didn’t stop him from leaving that time.

~~~

The last Bruce had checked, Damian had been asleep in his room, up in the Manor. Alfred had turned in while Bruce was en route back to the Cave, once he’d left the city proper behind and wouldn’t be distracted by any further crimes. Dick and Cassandra were in Blüdhaven, likely asleep in their own apartments already. Jason and Tim rarely just stopped by and never so early in the morning. In fact, they were likely just calling it a night and returning to their own apartment. 

All of this meant that Bruce felt comfortable stripping off the Batsuit once he got out of the Batmobile. He left pieces of it in his wake as he made his way to the Bat-Computer. He’d pick it up later, after he double checked all of the crimes he’d missed that evening for any potential threats or connections. He didn’t bother changing into anything else. He’d throw on some sweats before he headed up to the Manor, just in case Damian or Alfred woke up when he passed their rooms. 

He released a relived sigh as he sat down and was able to let his desk chair take his weight. It had been a long night. He’d look over the more violent and suspicious crimes for anything he needed to keep an eye out for and then head to bed. 

He was a little over halfway through the task, when Damian’s voice suddenly sounded from the entrance to the Manor. 

“Father, its late, even by your standards.”

Bruce looked for the nearest item he could use to hide his nudity. He grabbed a large book, opened it, and laid it over his lap.

Damian apparently hadn’t noticed anything strange and was still moving toward his father, by the way his somewhat sleepy voice was approaching. “If _I_ have to go to bed with enough time for ‘a proper sleep’ then you should as well. You might not require as much rest as Pennyworth insists teenage boys do, but you-”

“Damian, stay over there.” Even with the book in his lap, it was still clear that Bruce was nude. At best, the situation would be uncomfortable. At worst, he’d scar his child’s adolescent mind. There was no way he wanted to even chance his thirteen-year-old seeing anything he shouldn’t. 

Of course, the boy stopped, but he immediately grew more alert and started taking stock of his father and the Cave. “What’s going on? Are we under attack?”

“No.” He didn’t want to frighten his son. He also didn’t want to disturb him by seeing his father naked. “Everything’s fine. Just don’t come over here.” 

“Why? What are looking at?” His son couldn’t see the Bat-Computer from the direction he was standing, so he logically assumed that was what his father was hiding. He could, however, see that his father wasn’t wearing a shirt. It wasn’t uncommon for Bruce not to put on a shirt, so as long as his son didn’t notice that he also wasn’t wearing any pants, there shouldn’t be an issue. 

So, of course, his son tried to move where he could see what was happening on the monitor, because he could never just follow a simple instruction like ‘stay over there’. It didn’t take long before he noticed his father’s lack of clothing. 

His brows drew in immediately. “Father, are you _naked_?”

There was really no point in lying. Plus, the truth would guarantee that his son stopped approaching. “Yes. I am. Go back to the Manor. I’ll be up soon.”

His son didn’t leave. He looked baffled. “ _Why_ are you naked? Were you burned? Did Poison Ivy escape again? Should I wake Pennyworth?”

Bruce decided that really needed to buckle down on Damian’s direction-taking skills. The boy seriously needed to learn to listen. If the situation had been dangerous, he could have gotten himself hurt or killed already. 

For now he decided to get the boy moving and then buckle down on his listening skills the next day, after he’d gotten some sleep. After they'd _both_ gotten some sleep. “ _No_. I’m not hurt. I’m just naked. Now, please, go back upstairs.”

Again, his son didn’t leave. His nose wrinkled. “Were you masturbating?”

“What?! Of course not!” He had no idea where that question had even come from. The Cave was essentially dedicated to the pursuit of justice (and occasionally vengeance). It was where he solved crimes and worked on his suit and tools. The idea of becoming aroused in the Batcave, let alone relieving it there, was disturbing to Bruce. 

Of course, it occurred to him that he wasn’t a teenage boy. “Have _you_ been masturbating in the Cave?”

“What?! No!” Damian sounded affronted...and a little embarrassed. Likely, just due to the sudden change in subject matter. At least, that's what Bruce hoped was behind it.

“I’m not _angry_ if you have been. I just don’t think this is the appropriate place for that sort of...activity.” Bruce didn’t think it was appropriate to potentially correlate that type of activity with the images and situations they investigated and discussed while in the Cave. He also though it was inappropriate since -as proven- any member of their family could walk in at any time. At the same time, he didn’t want Damian to think he was being judged or had done something shameful. “You know its natural for a boy your age to do that, right?”

“ _Yes_.” Damian was actually blushing, but he sounded incredibly irritated. “Pennyworth covered that in health class. And Richard has spoken to me on that topic as well. Now, can we return to the subject of your nudity? If you aren’t masturbating and you aren’t suffering some sort of skin irritation, then why are you naked?”

“I was tired. I wanted to take off the Batsuit and I wasn’t expecting anyone to come down here, so I didn’t bother getting dressed yet. That’s all. Now, please, go back to bed.” Bruce would have stood to emphasize the order, but he didn’t want to chance the book shifting and showing his son something he didn’t want him to see. 

Damian looked curious. “Do you often lounge around naked after Pennyworth and I go to bed?”

Bruce would hardly call checking up on the night’s crimes ‘lounging around’ but that was hardly the point. “No. And I certainly won’t be after tonight. Now, _good night, son_.”

“There’s no need to be sensitive about it. I was merely asking. Good night, Father.” With that, Damian finally turned and headed toward the Manor. 

Bruce waited until his son had been gone long enough not to come back for anything but not so long that he might wonder what he was doing. Then, he hurried to his Bat-Locker and threw on some clothes.

He was definitely never doing that again.


End file.
